I'm really scared to taste happiness
and then to see it disappear as soon
as it appeared.
She thought.
She sat up straight in her bed.
It was 2 AM.
The sky outside starry,
but the weather was bleak.
Staring into the darkness.
Into nothing.
This was what she had been doing of late.
The vivid memories
gushing in front of her eyes.
It was like someone had hit the
fast forward button, except
it was on a loop.
She thought he was her safe place.
He thought she was his safe place.
The humorous insults.
The jokes.
The berating of their dull routines.
The insights about life.
Sincere.
Honest.
Innocent.
Naive.
She had felt safe.
Once.
But then he wanted more.
More than what she could provide.
That shattered the safe place.
Once again.
Out in the open.
Vulnerable.
The constant looping
was taking a toll on her.
They come in your life
and fill this void
that you have always been avoiding.
And just like that
they leave.
People.
Is it worthwhile to cling on
to the memories, she wondered.
No, she whispered.
What comfort will I get, she wondered.
None.
I should move forward.
Yes.
And then the tears started rolling down.
She wiped them away swiftly
and clutched herself tightly
to keep from shaking.
I am a lone soldier in the storm.
She whispered into the night.
And as always,
I will weather this too.
She whispered into the night.
Lying down
she let the tears roll.
She closed her eyes
knowing that no one would comfort
her in this bleak of the night and
the loop would start all over again.
