Showing posts with label pain. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pain. Show all posts

Monday, 27 October 2014

Ara

The two kids were lying on their backs under the shade of the big willow tree, looking towards the skies and imagining various shapes of the clouds.

"Look Ara, that looks like our rabbit Tooba! Look right there, don't you see it?" cried Meqbool. Ara stared hard to where he was pointing and said, "No Meqbool, it looks like your crooked nose!" She got up and had a fit of laughter. She ran down the hill, laughing all the way, her curly black hair swaying behind her and every once a while she turned to look back with those dazzling blue eyes. Meqbool just started dumbfounded. He too chased after her, holding his skull cap from flying away.

The two eight year olds were running through the streets, laughing and chasing each other, completely ignorant to all the shattered houses,broken window panes, the bullet holes on the compounds,the limb beggars, the mortar shells lying around and the grey look of the city.

Ara and Meqbool reached over to Ara's house where her mother was just serving tea to her uncle. He smiled at the two,took a sip and gravely put it down. Both the kids rushed upstairs and hid behind the balustrade on the landing trying to eavesdrop every word her uncle was conveying to her mother regarding the on going war. Apparently his son's kebab restaurant down south was hit by a rocket propelled grenade. She let out a gasp, and he raised his hand to tell her there was nothing to worry, that her son was not present there at the moment. But a lot of people from the neighbourhood were caught in the cross fires.

Ara went to her room and sat on the edge of her bed, head hung down in silence. Meqbool followed and knelt before her and wiped away her tears.

"I just want this war to end. I don't want any more people hurting or dying. I don't want Kakajaan to come here and give us bad news everyday.Ever since the school explosion, I have not had the courage to look at my books. Ever since Ms. Nila died I cannot take a pen in my hand and write.I don't..." she began to sob.

"I promised you that I would always protect you from any harm. I will not let them lay a finger on you or hurt you in any way. And now as you promised me, please stop crying."

Meqbool got up,went over to window,removed Tooba the rabbit from its cage and placed it on her lap. She immediately stopped crying and started stroking its white fur. It was their teacher's pet rabbit. They had found it trapped under the debris near the school one day. Ara and Meqbool brought it home and took care of it.

She looked up and smiled at him. He smiled back through his broken tooth. They then went down, into the garden and played with the rabbit. Sometimes they pretended they were pirates, taking on the big seas. Sometimes she was the princess and it was his duty to fulfil her highness' wishes. They continued so till sundown and it was time for Meqbool to go home. Ara mother's called out to them and  Meqbool gave his broken toothed smile and waved a goodbye to both of them and went home.

Her father was running late, so Ara and her mother dined together. Ara told her mother about all she and Meqbool did today, what games they played, what they saw from the hill top, how many fruits they ate...but her mother's eyes kept fluctuating to the window behind her.


Ara was now lying in bed, the moonlight streaking through her window and a cool breeze blowing the curtains. For some reason, she felt uneasy. Then she heard voices downstairs. Wondering who it could be at this hour she tip toed out of her bedroom and again hid behind the balustrade. She heard her father speaking very softly to her mother in the living room. He had come from work,she could tell because he still had his work clothes on. She bent a little further to get a proper view and hear him out clearly.

He told her that there was a missile fired by the enemy into their region.He paused. She looked at him asking him to go on. He took a breath and said that Meqbool and his family's house had been charred to the ground. None made it out alive. She clutched her heart and collapsed on the sofa. There was a minute of silence and she clutching her burqa looked up to her husband all teary eyed and uttered the word Ara. They both looked towards the stairs and saw her clutching the rails so tightly that her knuckles were white. Her blue eyes frozen through the rails. In a swift moment Ara realised that her parents were looking at her and she rushed back into her room.

That night she just lay her head on her mother's lap and did not say a single word. Her mother was gently stroking her hair while she continued to stare out the window silently.

Days and months passed by. Ara did not say or ask anything about Meqbool. She quietly played with Tooba in their garden.Or went to the hill and sat under the willow tree looking at the sky, trying to figure out which cloud looked like Meqbool's crooked nose. She would heave a deep sigh and just walk back home.

One day, her uncle came and told her that the town committee was deciding to rebuild the school again. She was asked to be present there for the foundation laying ceremony. She did attend it with her parents. She saw some of her classmates. Some of them waved at her and some even wanted to talk to her. Her friend Leila was the only one she smiled back at.

Later that evening, when she was in her room, playing with Tooba, she suddenly heard a loud bang. Her heart skipping a beat, she rushed out only to see half her living room shattered. Then another loud bang right behind her. She screamed, "Mamma" and was flung off the first floor landing down on the crumpled living room floor. She fell right beside her mother's torn body. She screamed her lungs out and began crying. Trying to get up, she turned towards her right and saw her father's hand under a huge plank. Another loud bang. She ran out of the house, but she barely made it to the front door all wounded and leg fractured, that there was another loud bang.

She was lying in the garden. She couldn't open her eyes because the sun rays were stinging them. She opened them slowly and saw a silhouette above her. It was speaking. She could barely hear its voice. She tried to lift her hand, but she couldn't feel anything. She strained her ears and could hear the faint whisper..."And now as you promised me, please stop crying."Then everything went black.

Saturday, 6 September 2014

Love that we think we deserve

You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams. These are the words of Dr.Seuss. As I sat on the rocks close to the jetty and looked out at the vast ocean ahead of me, I kept pondering on this little thing called Love. And streams of questions began to flow into my mind. Is love all about hope or is it about hoping against hope? Is love for the fools or the wise ones? Does love take any giving or taking? When does one really comprehend the meaning of love?At what stage of life? And I turn around to my friends who are busy talking to each other or just singing songs down by the beach and I drift off in that sweet melody to another world...Here are the musings of a 19 year old girl who contemplates life very often (not really).

To begin with, I interpreted the quote by Dr. Seuss as the love you have for something that you immensely crave doing for the sole reason that it brings a smile upon your face and the thrill in your heart. You do it for the sheer love of it and derive pleasure out of it. Not because you want any monetary gain out of it or because of some sort of compulsion. This love is that what we see when one Roger Federer comes out onto the grass court holding that tennis racquet in his hands or one Sachin Tendulkar holding a cricket bat and gently raising it to the spectators when he hits a century. No I am not talking about fan adoration here. I am talking about the love any sports-person has for his game. It is his or her love for the game that makes them pursue it with full determination and commitment. If you are searching for any inspiration, I think the first source would be any sports personality. They have this never-back-down attitude that draws people to them.Their perseverance is truly motivating

I asked a couple of my friends to pen down their thoughts when one says the word Love and I'd like to share some of their snippets.


Shawn Kenneth Fernandes 
Allen Vishal
 Picture credits: Allen Vishal


You don’t love someone because they’re perfect or beautiful or confident,
You love someone in spite of the fact that they’re not.  

Embracing the pain and darkness in the other person.
Seeing how their flaws complete you.
If you ever have to change yourself for someone,
If you give up a part of yourself to be with someone,
You may lose the part that the other person fell in love with.

That would be a tragedy.

Never trust someone who says they love you but treat you ordinarily.

Everyone is extraordinary. Everyone is amazing.

Everyone has beauty. 
You just need to look for it. 



And if you see it in someone where others can’t,

Know that you are capable of loving.





My friend here has aptly talked about seeing how other's flaws complete you. Embracing one person for who they are is what nurture's true love. You loved someone for precisely the way they were, accepted all their flaws because that is what you loved about them in the first place. And as Shawn here says it would indeed be a tragedy if the other person tries to mould themselves into something they are not and eventually have a fallout.



For him, music is life. A means to express his inner demons and musings about life.An outlet. For him music is about sincerity. Through music he tries to perceive other people, what goes on in their minds et al and derives immense happiness when any kind of sincere music soothes him.

Sometimes when you go through ups and downs of life and you feel all alone and you hope somewhere inside, that someone would hear you out and listen to what you have to say. He does it very sincerely, lending you a ear. His love for music has made him very insightful.
Love.



Susan Pinto

Love

Some say it's good,
others say it's bad.

Some say it's forever,
others say it'll never last.

Some say it happens once,
but others have experienced twice.

Some say its beautiful,
others say: not so very nice.

I say it's worthwhile,
you will laugh and you will cry,
but you will never understand it,
unless you give it a try.


Susan, the most compassionate person I have ever come across till now. I admire her hope in love. In spite of falling down every time she manages to bounce back very quickly and put on a brave face. She is the hopeful one.

I remember reading an article not so long ago, something on the lines of being vulnerable and open to love by Vinita Nangia. She says that to love is to be vulnerable, to leave yourself open to hurt. Breene Brown says, what makes you vulnerable makes you beautiful. 
Opening up to love, I think exposes your vulnerability and hence allows others to see your inner beauty. As I said earlier, when someone embraces this beauty(flaws for some), it sparks love among them.

But, when you are at your most vulnerable and you have allowed this other person to let your guard down, and then left to hurt, you are left wondering if it was worth it in the end? I am of the opinion that if you have been left heartbroken, then there was nothing called love in the first place. You just took a wayward path. Some may be stronger and come to the end of the path with a bright smile, while some may just crumble along the way and never make it out.

So I leave that question to you...whether opening up is really worth it or not...




 Chetan Pangavane

I dont want to be the Snape of the Lily. Nor do I want a Snape if you are my Lily. I dont know if my love is all about possessiveness. But surely this feeling has sufficient genuineness. Maybe I love you just because I dont have you.But I do take pride in loving someone like you.

I know you already have someone in your heart. But you and only you can govern my heart.

I know this sudden awareness must be startling, but I have already done two years of waiting. Now I feel I've overdone everything . It's time to cease it all. 

Because, I guess love too has its limits and I am no great to cross them all.

Pray, be happy with your love, and me with mine,
and maybe you'll never know, 
and maybe I'll never say!


He reverberates my thoughts precisely. Unknown and unspoken love is the most hurtful. For those of you who live under a rock, Snape and Lily are characters from Harry Potter and the reference here to love has been put in the correct way. How painful it must be to love someone without telling them that?You wouldn't even know if the other person feels the same way. Misery. But if you see it in a different light, it is beautiful. It is beautiful how you will do anything in your power just to see the other person  smile.It is beautiful how you will try and try to get those words out yet fail.


Younita Pandey
Its when I was lying on the grass, acting like I was drunk. missing my best friends, who would come down 
the table to talk me out of my nonsense.

cry for me, when my heart would break, and wash my bleeding knees, when I fell hard.
*sigh.
they even tied my shoe laces in the twelfth standard.
and I was missing them.
I miss them.
but that evening when I lay acting like I was drunk, singing all the sad songs, being blue about everything, and you held my hand and said "I wont leave you"
I wanted to cry. but couldn't bring myself to it.
after all, who were you to hold my hand?
who were you?
damn! now I know, it wasn't you,
it was me who held your hand.
and you? you promised to keep it.
hold it back so I wont fall.hold it back so I could walk blindfold. 
hold me, until I could walk.
I know what this is. 
Its love in its purest form.
true concern in its sincerity.
care, without expectations.
unconditional, unselfish, love.
this was when I realized, friendship: it is.
friend, he was.  


Friend. That word has an altogether different meaning. But does it? Friends never hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are.

Mother. When she hears the cries of her baby in that maternity room for the first time, she falls in love for the second time in her life. As Abdul Kalam said, your birthday is the only day in your life where your mother smiled when you cried.
Parents love is unconditional. It means no bounds. And the best thing about it is, no one says I love you or something cliché . It is just inborn. It is expressed in such subtly beautiful ways. When your mother oils and braids your hair before sending you off to school, or when you cut yourself while playing, over all the yelling, she would be the one to apply the antiseptic to your wound, or how she would make you sit in front of the idol and recite all the prayers.

She will love you and protect you no matter what mistakes you do in life. And if you are fortunate enough, at any stage of your life,you can always cry on her lap, while she gently strokes your hair and soothes you...

Love should generate faith. Trust. Honesty. Sincerity. Love should be unconditional...